2020 Vision

As I sit here in my kennel
It is finally New Year’s Eve
There should be celebration
But there’s many who will grieve
The loss of friends and family
To an enemy unseen
Yes, thanks to Covid-19
What a shitty year it’s been

We’ve been in and out of lockdown
With restrictions and new rules
They shut the pubs and restaurants
The theatres and the schools
When it looked like we were winning
They discovered a new strain
As the cases rise it’s no surprise
We’re in lockdown once again

So I sit here in my kennel
At the start of the new year
Wondering if things will improve
Or stay the same, I fear
It feels just like another day
There’s no difference at all
The only thing that’s changed
Is the calendar on the wall

© Nigel Daft – January 2021

The Creaking Door

What’s behind the creaking door ? 
Will we ever know for sure ?
What was in its history ? 
Will it remain a mystery ?
What lies beyond that creaky portal ? 
Is it living or immortal ?
If only doors could tell their tales
The highs and lows, success and fails

The door that’s in the photograph …
Of my great aunt Sally
In her country cottage hidden
Somewhere up the valley
Swinging periodically …
On those ancient hinges
Soon to be enveloped …
As the undergrowth impinges

The door down to the cellar …
Of the old abandoned inn
Where they used to store the bottles …
Of whisky, rum and gin
Still bearing all the scratches
Where bashed by beer crates
From all those late night parties
With the landlord and his mates

The door into the bedroom …
Of the creepy haunted house
Is now the home to spiders …
And a solitary mouse
Gently swinging to and fro …
With the ghostly breeze
Accompanied by the odour …
Of mouldy Cheddar cheese

The door into the classroom …
Where the children used to learn
Until the day the bombs fell
Which caused the school to burn
The paint all cracked and blistered
The panels black and charred
Outside, a massive crater …
Where there used to be a yard

The door into the doll’s house …
A gift from years ago
Forgotten now like many toys
As the children grow
Finely engineered back then …
It doesn’t really creak
Push it open gently …
You might just hear a squeak

The door down to the crypt …
In the vault beneath the church
The Addams family rest in peace …
With their butler Lurch
Sometimes after midnight …
You can hear the crypt door swing
Was it caused by Cousin Itt?
Or could it be the Thing?

Locked behind the stable door …
Is a Derby winning horse
A marvellous bay stallion …
A thoroughbred of course
Then one day he disappeared …
But no-one had a clue
If Shergar was set free to roam …
Or ended up as glue !

The doors into the theatre …
Where many plays were staged
So carefully looked after …
They hardly ever aged
But now the audience has gone …
The hinges have gone rusty
The paint has faded badly …
And the edges are all dusty

The door into the ops room …
Of the sunken battleship
Where years of salty water …
Have finally got a grip
It’s gradually rusting …
At the bottom of the sea
Where the constant tidal motion …
May one day set it free

The safe door blown wide open …
By a stick of dynamite
Still attached, though badly scratched …
It put up a good fight
Now abandoned in the forest …
Dumped there by the thieves
Slowly being camouflaged …
By bracken, twigs and leaves

The Green Door is a mystery …
So we need another clue
Environmentally friendly …
Or a mix of yellow and blue?
The odds are fifty fifty …
Which others may call evens
Or maybe it was just a song …
Sung by Shakin’ Stevens?

Now revolving doors are different …
They are peculiar and weird
For some they’re not a problem …
But by others they are feared
It’s all about the timing …
When you’re going in and out
So be careful how you use them …
Or they may give you a clout!

Finally, Bob Dylan’s song …
The questions that it poses
But I prefer the version …
That was made by Guns ‘n’ Roses
One thing that’s for certain …
There’s one thing that’s for sure
One day we will all be … Knock knock knocking on Heaven’s door

© Nigel Daft – November 2020

Give Us A (Fire) Break

Monday morning, here we go, the start of a new week
Back in lockdown once again, it’s looking rather bleak
Cases are increasing, and a vaccine we still seek

Tuesday, like most other days, I’m staying home alone
At least I have the internet, Facebook and a phone
While Gromit seems quite happy with his biscuits and a bone

Wednesday some say is midweek, for others it’s the hump
But when you’re stuck indoors all day, it feels more like a slump
And all the news is covid or Donald bloody Trump !

But on a Thursday afternoon, I escape through the front door
To do my weekly shopping at the supermarket store
A masked man with a trolley, in the land I call Asdor

The days seem so much longer, and that is what I hate
Finding things to pass the time, or sit patiently and wait
Then time for “Fish on Friday” from six o’clock ‘til eight

Saturday, another day, when most things are still shut
No library, pubs or theatre, is a real pain in the butt
Feeling like my social ties have been prematurely cut

As the days go rolling by, it’s Sunday once again
The days are getting shorter, the skies are full of rain
At least I have the Sunday quiz to stop me going insane

Just one more week of lockdown, the ending is in sight
Political decisions, I hope they’ve got it right
I want my pint of cider, in the Bush, on Monday night

© Nigel Daft – November 2020

Insomnia

Both hands are pointing to twelve
And into my memories I delve
But the things that I find
In the depths of my mind
Are things I should probably shelve

As the small hand approaches the one
I am hoping these thoughts have now gone
But it’s just an illusion
Of complex confusion
And the visions just go on and on

The small hand is now close to two
And I’m wondering what I should do
When an internal voice
Says “You don’t have a choice”
So I pay a quick trip to the loo

Now the small hand is pointing to three
And I guess that I really should be
Lying fast asleep in my bed
But there are thoughts running round in my head
And I just cannot get them to flee

The small hand is now near the four
When I hear a faint knock at the door
Things are not what they seem
Is this all just a dream?
To be honest, I’m not really sure

The small hand has now passed the five
And my patience has taken a dive
I must get some sleep
So I start counting sheep
In a final attempt to survive

As the small hand reaches the six
I am eating a giant Weetabix
But the massive cornflake
Must be a mistake
Or is it my mind playing tricks?

Then as it gets closer to seven
I am in a small café in Devon
I have said something nasty
To my Cornish pasty
Am I going to Hell, or to Heaven?

It is somewhere round about eight
I awake to discover my fate
As my mind begins a new day
The dreams start melting away
And the calendar shows a new date

The alarm clock goes off around nine
And I feel remarkably fine
But my body says “Please
Cut down on the cheese
And maybe a little less wine”

© Nigel Daft – October 2020

Late Night Call

I was down, depressed and lonely, I was feeling rather blue
But Charlotte was on holiday, so what was I to do?

I sat and pondered for a while, it was quite late at night
Then I spotted a new helpline, could it be of use? It might

So I dialled up the number, and waited a short time
Then a voice replied “G’day mate” in an accent quite sublime

An accent quite familiar, but not from the UK
Perhaps a land, that’s mainly sand, and miles and miles away?

He introduced himself as Bruce, I told him my name too
I could hear strange background noises, was that a didgeridoo?

“Sorry mate” I heard Bruce say, as he turned the music down
“I was listening to an album from a band that’s new in town”

“A band of aborigines, I rate their music highly
I’ve spoken to their manager, a lovely girl called Kylie”

That made me think of TV soaps, a young girl bright and plucky
The sort of girl I’d like to meet, if I should be so lucky

“My neighbours really like their sport” I heard my mate Bruce say
And every weekend off they go, to games home and away

They also love the cricket, one day games, T20 bashes
And they’re glued to their TV set for the test series – The Ashes

So Bruce continued with his tales, of family and friends
And other people that he’d met, his story never ends

The chap who made his own meat pies, minced beef or steak and kidney
His brother who sang baritone, at the opera house in Sydney

The time he went to see Ayer’s Rock, a fascinating sight
When all he had to eat that day was toast and Vegemite

The group of strangers that he’d met, he thought they were impostors
But when he got to know them well, they all got drunk on Fosters

Bruce told me that his favourite film that he had been to see
Was comedian Paul Hogan, in Crocodile Dundee

He said he liked rock music, and it didn’t take long to guess
His favourite bands were Rose Tattoo, AC/DC, INXS

We must have spent at least two hours chatting on the phone
But still I had the feeling he was not in my time zone

I told him that I lived in Wales, Bruce said he came from Perth
“But not the one in Scotland mate, there are others on this Earth”

Then suddenly it dawned on me, there had been so many clues
But it was early in the morning, and I’d drunk a lot of booze

My chat had been successful, and certainly not a failure
And now I had a new friend Bruce, from Perth, Western Australia

© Nigel Daft – October 2020

The Visitor

It was early Sunday afternoon, just before two and I had recently polished off a plate of cheese and onion sarnies, butties and sandwiches for my lunch.

I was resting, reclining and relaxing in my armchair, beginning to doze, snooze and nod off.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock, thump and rap on the front door. This startled me, made me jump and shook me from my slumbers.

I got out of the armchair and hunted for, rummaged around and went in search of my keys which were hidden somewhere in the basket on the nearby coffee table.

There was another additional second knock at the front door.

“OK, I’m coming, I’m on my way. I’ll be there now, in a minute!”

I could hear laughing, chuckling and sniggering from whoever was the other side of the door.

I made my way slowly, sedately and leisurely along the hallway to the front door.

After unlocking the door, I heaved, hauled and tugged it open to see who was standing outside.

It was an old friend, mate and pal of mine who was dressed, attired and costumed as a prehistoric, reptilian creature …

It was … ROGER THE SAURUS !

The Pint of No Return

It was early Sunday evening and the Small Tree Inn was fairly quiet. The ‘afternoon shift’ had departed leaving just a few people in the lower bar. One of the regular customers walked up to the bar and surveyed what different beers were available. He pointed to the one just to the left of the real ale hand pumps.

“What’s that one?” he asked.

“That Barney, is our new craft ale. It is a Belgian wheat beer called Blue Moon. Would you like to try it?” asked Ross the landlord.

“Nah, just pour me a pint,” replied Barney.

Ross poured him a pint and added a slice of orange.

“What’s with the fruit?” asked Barney.

“That’s how we are supposed to serve it sir,” replied Ross.

Barney immediately removed the slice of orange and then looked closely at the pint. He seemed rather concerned that it looked cloudier than most of the other beers he had tried. He took a small sip of the drink and then made a face like he had just sucked on a lemon.

“Ugh! I don’t like that one. Can I change it please?”

“I guess so,” replied Ross. “I’ll put it on the shelf behind me. I’m sure that Teeza will drink it when she turns up … if she turns up,” he said glancing at the wall clock which was now showing ten past eight.”

At that very moment Teeza the barmaid came rushing in through the door in the lower bar, looking a little hot and bothered but as gorgeous as usual.

“Sorry I’m late boss, but the taxi driver couldn’t find the dinosaur. I was waiting on the corner for nearly fifteen minutes!”

“What dinosaur?” asked Barney.

“I’ll explain later,” replied Teeza as she dashed into the kitchen to take off her scarf and jacket, tie her hair back and give her face a quick wipe.

“Well, I have to print off some bingo tickets and answer sheets. I’m sure Teeza will serve you … when she’s ready,” said Ross, with just the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Teeza gave her boss one of those special stares as he disappeared up the stairs. She then asked Barney what he would like to drink. He pointed to one of the other taps on the bar.

The barmaid poured him a pint of Stowford cider and placed it on one of the nearby drip trays. Barney looked at it quizzically and then said,

“I asked for a pint of Guinness, not cider.”

“Well technically, you didn’t ask for anything. You just pointed over in that general direction,” said Teeza defiantly.

“Oh alright clever clogs, but I still want a Guinness and not a cider,” said Barney.

Teeza was wondering what to do with the pint of cider when she spotted Noel at the top bar waving an empty glass to indicate that he was ready for another drink. She picked up the cider from the bar and took it over to him.

“There you go Noel, how’s that for service?”

Noel smiled, thanked her and then continued setting up the equipment for the jukebox bingo and quiz later that evening.

Teeza returned to the lower bar and poured Barney a pint of Guinness. He waited a few seconds for the creamy head to settle and then took a sip.

“Ugh! That tastes almost as bad as that Blue Moon rubbish! Can you change it for me please?”

“Sure babe,” replied Teeza.

She tried pouring another pint of Guinness, but all that came out of the tap was a loud spluttering noise and a bit of what looked like foam.”

At that point Ross came back into the bar. He looked at Barney and said,

“Well, it looks like the Guinness has gone. I think you have reached the pint of no return.”

“Fair enough,” replied Barney, “I’ll have a large Tamdhu then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (236) – Jack on the Box

Well Gromit lad, another good night for the bingo and quiz. A close fought contest between all the teams and only a few points between victory and the biscuits!

The scores were as follows:

1. Owls in the Month of March … 19
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
3. M+Ms … 17
4. Alone with my Friends … 16
5. Don’t Show Keith Your Teeth … 14
6. Cheddars … 14

This week’s selected question:

Q. Which actor has played the character of Captain Jack Harkness in the TV series Doctor Who and Torchwood ?

A. JOHN BARROWMAN

 

The Orchard

Part 1

It was Friday evening and Boxer the carthorse was in the old barn together with some of his closest friends and a host of young animals, all eager to hear another of his fabulous stories about the old times. There must have been nearly thirty cows, goats, sheep, chickens and ducks all sat there quietly waiting for Boxer to begin his tale.

“Today I am going to tell you all about the orchard. Now many of you younger animals here this evening are probably not even aware of its existence. It lies at the southern edge of the farm just beyond the stream.

Years ago, the orchard was open to everyone on the farm. You could wander around there freely at any time of the year. It was a lovely place to relax in your holidays or rest periods.”

The young animals all looked at each other and Boxer could tell from their quizzical expressions that they had no idea what holidays or rest periods were.

“The orchard was a beautiful and tranquil place especially in the spring when all the apple trees were covered in bright pink blossom, which would slowly fade to white as the season progressed. Then as the year went by, the fruit would appear, then grow and ripen during the balmy summer months of July and August.

As autumn approached it was time for the harvest. However, before that, any apples that had fallen off the trees could be eaten by the farm animals. I particularly remember enjoying the ones that had been lying on the ground for a few days and had started to ferment.

The apples would then be harvested and taken away to be sold at the local markets. If there had been a good crop that year, the farmer would keep a few boxes for himself and then distribute some of the apples to the farm animals as a special treat.”

Boxer paused briefly, clearly remembering the good old days on the farm. He sighed heavily before he continued with his story:

Part 2

“However, the situation with the orchard changed drastically when the pigs took over the farm. At around the same time there was a huge increase in the popularity of cider. The pigs saw this as an ideal opportunity to stamp their authority over the other farm animals and benefit greatly themselves at the same time.”

“Why, what happened?” asked one of the young goats.

Boxer paused to brush away a tear as he remembered the sequence of events vividly, as if it was yesterday.

“It was late one September, just before they were due to harvest the apples. Over the weekend we heard a lot of banging noises coming from the area down by the orchard. We had no idea what was going on so I decided to wander down to the orchard on Monday morning and investigate for myself.

I discovered that there was now a huge wooden fence completely surrounding the orchard and several mean looking dogs patrolling the perimeter. There were signs on the fence saying that the orchard was now out of bounds to all of the farm animals.

Later that day, the pigs issued an official notice claiming that the trees had contracted a rare disease which affected the fruit making it dangerous or even fatal to eat the apples!”

“So the pigs acted swiftly to protect the welfare of all the animals on the farm?” suggested one of the lambs.

Boxer stared at the lamb and wanted to shout and swear at him, but it wasn’t his fault. Just like all of the young animals listening to his story the lamb had been brought up under the harsh regime of the pigs. They had been brainwashed with lies and propaganda from the day they were born. Boxer sighed heavily and then continued:

“A few days later a large truck arrived at the farm with a number of human workers from the surrounding area. The pigs allowed them to enter the orchard.

By the end of the day there was not a single apple left on the trees. They had all been boxed, loaded onto the truck and taken away, to be destroyed, according to the pigs.

However, I noticed that there was a sign on the side of the truck with the name of a local cider maker. The whole incident left me decidedly suspicious and I knew that the pigs were up to something.”

Part 3

By now, all of the animals were totally engrossed in Boxer’s story. None of them saw the small pig who had been silently hiding in the shadows at the back of the barn sneak away and run swiftly back up to the farmhouse. Boxer continued with his tale:

“Just a few weeks later, I saw the same truck return to the farm. The pigs welcomed the driver and then helped him unload several cases of cider, which were taken straight into the farmhouse.

We then noticed that every Friday and Saturday evening for the next few weeks the pigs and the dogs that protected them would have a party in the farmhouse. None of the other animals on the farm were ever invited to these parties.”

Boxer looked in the direction of the farmhouse and stared. The pigs and the dogs still partied there most weekends while the rest of the animals on the farm just about managed to survive on their meagre rations. There was a hint of envy in Boxer’s expression, but mainly it was pure hatred and contempt for the pigs.

“I hope they all choke on their cider … and their Chardonnay … and their champagne!” the old carthorse screamed.

The other animals in the barn, including Boxer’s closest friends, were visibly shocked by his outburst. They had never seen the old carthorse so angry and outspoken before.

Part 4

Suddenly, without warning, a loud shot reverberated around the old barn and Boxer fell to the ground. The bullet pierced his heart and the old carthorse died almost instantly. His crimson blood seeped out of the fatal wound and soaked into the dry straw scattered on the floor of the old barn.

The animals were all stunned into silence. Eventually, one young goat finally managed to summon up enough strength to speak. He turned to one of Boxer’s friends and asked,

“Who will tell us stories of the old days now?”

“Who indeed?” snarled a deep, rough voice. “Who indeed?”

The animals turned around slowly to see who had spoken the menacing words. There silhouetted in the doorway of the old barn was Stalin, one of the most feared and hated of the ruling pigs. There was an evil grin on his face as he stood there proudly holding aloft the smoking shotgun.

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (235) – Boom! Boom!

Well Gromit lad, it was another busy night at the Bush. A couple of the regular teams were missing but there was a group celebrating a birthday that made up the numbers.  There was another close finish in the quiz requiring a tie breaker. The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. Bonkers and the Bar Studs … 16
2. Four Owls and a Birthday … 16
3. Norfolk Enhancers … 15
4. Bush Birthday Bash … 15
5. Buck Rogers Fan Club (Dibee Dibee Dibee) … 13
6. Bluebirds in the Bush … 13
7. Net Plus One … 11
8. At Least We Tried … 11

This week’s selected question has three parts:

1. Who had a top 20 hit in 1992 with Boom Boom ?
2. Who had a #1 hit in 1995 with Boom Boom Boom ?
3. Who had a #1 hit in 1999 with Boom Boom Boom Boom ?

Answers:

1. John Lee Hooker
2. Outhere Brothers
3. Vengaboys

Inn Quizitor Comment (234) -Mould Your Own Dough !

Well Gromit lad, it was Saint David’s Day yesterday so there was a Welsh theme to the jukebox bingo. The quiz however was pot luck and despite a few grumblings from certain quarters the scores were all pretty close. The results were as follows:

1. Owls of Significance … 18
2. Glue Gun Gerald and the Posse … 17
3. Bonkers and the Boys … 17
4. M+Ms … 15
5. Norfolk Enhancers … 15
6. I Dunno … 14

This week’s selected question …

Q. What oil-based material used in modelling was invented in 1897 for use by art students ?

A. PLASTICINE

Inn Quizitor Comment (233) – What the Duck ?

Well Gromit lad, it was a bit quieter this week, but still a close finish in the quiz. Plenty of points on offer this week as there were two, three, four and five point questions!

The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. Glue Gun Gerald and the Posse … 25
2. And Then There Was One … 25
3. M+Ms … 24
4. UCTL … 20
5. Bonkers and the Boys … 20

So, it was a tie break to decide the winners and two teams shared the biscuits.

This week’s selected question …

Q. What type of bird is a Welsh Harlequin (Duck, Pigeon, Goose, Swan) ?

A. DUCK

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (232) – Give Us a Break

Well Gromit lad, it was another good night at the Bush despite Storm Dennis doing its best to flood South Wales !  As it was Valentine’s Day on Friday I decided that I would do a special Valentine themed quiz … BAZINGA !   However, I did do a quiz on the number 27 instead 🙂

The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. Wet Wet Wet … 16
2. Hoisin Crispy Owls … 15
3. Five Outties and Two Innies … 14
4. M+Ms … 13
5. Bonkers and the Boys … 13
6. Norfolk Enhancers … 13
7. Chocolate Hobnobs Please … 7

This week’s selected question …

Q. Who won the first snooker world championship in 1927 and went on to become world champion 15 times ?

A. JOE DAVIS

Joe Davis OBE (15 April 1901 – 10 July 1978) was an English professional snooker and English billiards player. He was the dominant figure in snooker from the 1920s to the 1950s. He won the first 15 World Championships from 1927 to 1946.

From Wikipedia

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (231) – By Royal Appointment

Well Gromit lad, despite the storm and power cuts on Sunday, there was still a decent gathering for the Jukebox bingo and quiz. The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. M+Ms … 22
2. The Four Flops … 21
3. Norfolk Enhancers … 18
4. The Quartet … 15
5. The Woolly Jumpers … 13
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 13
7. Quiz in the Fozz … 12

This week’s selected question …

Q. Who was the first band member of Queen to release a solo album (Freddie Mercury, Brian May, John Deacon, Roger Taylor) ?

A. ROGER TAYLOR

Fun in Space is the debut solo album by English musician Roger Taylor, the drummer of Queen. It was released on 6 April 1981 in the UK and 9 May in the US. The album peaked at number 18 in the British charts, while it performed poorly upon its US release, due to no promotion from the record company.

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (230) – Game, Set and Match

Well Gromit lad, a bit quieter this week, probably hungover from all the rugby or the landlord’s birthday, or both !  Some close scores again. The results are as follows:

1. Still Europeans … 20
2. Norfolk Enhancers … 17
3. Gin’ll Fix It … 16
4. Harris-ment … 15
5. The M+Ms … 15
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 14

This week’s selected question:

Q. In the open era since 1968, which FOUR players have won the most Wimbledon mens singles titles ?

A. ROGER FEDERER (8), PETE SAMPRAS (7), NOVAK DJOKOVIC (5), BJORN BORG (5)

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (229) – Om Nom Nom Nom !

Well Gromit lad, another good night of Jukebox Bingo and quizzery.  No theme this week, just a general selection of topics but there was a “magnificent seven” question which had seven answers ! The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Owls on Toast … 24
2. Adams, Smith and George … 22
3. Three Amigos … 20
4. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
5. Norfolk Enhancers … 18
6. Two and a Half Brains … 17
7. Irish Wristwatch Featuring Manley … 15
8. The History Butts … 14

This week’s selected question:

Q. The Cookie Monster was a regular character on which children’s TV show ?

A. SESAME STREET

Cookie Monster is a Muppet on the long-running children’s television show Sesame Street. He is best known for his voracious appetite and his famous eating phrases, such as “Me want cookie!”, “Me eat cookie!” (or simply “COOKIE!”), and “Om nom nom nom” (said through a mouth full of food). He eats almost anything, including normally inedible objects. However, as his name suggests, his preferred food is cookies.

From Wikipedia

 

The Twenties

Write about “The Twenties” was the homework for this week

So I turned to numerology for the info that I seek

 

We will start with number twenty, it’s also called a score

It’s fluid ounces in a pint, the result of five times four

 

Then play a game of Blackjack, for profit or for fun

Try and get two playing cards that total twenty one

 

If you’re down depressed and lonely, there’s a place that you can go

Twenty two Acacia Avenue, see a lady that I know

 

OK, I cheated there a bit … Iron Maiden … favourite track

But then I thought of bingo, two little ducks … quack! Quack!

 

Back in nineteen eighty six, a special day for me

I finally passed my driving test on April twenty three

 

Which is of course St George’s Day for those of us from Blighty

And the birth and death of Shakespeare, the playwright God almighty

 

Remember when two shillings was twenty four old pence

And pies were full of blackbirds, did that last bit make much sense?

 

Married for a long time, can you see where this is heading?

Twenty five years later, celebrate your silver wedding

 

Forgot the Christmas presents, you could end up in a fix

You had better turn up Boxing Day, December twenty six

 

Now driver Jackie Stewart had twenty seven wins

By avoiding all the other cars, the crashes and the spins

 

Next the number twenty eight, a tricky one to get

But it is how many dominoes make up a standard set

 

Now twenty nine has stumped me, I’m almost brought to tears

Of course … the days in February, but only in leap years

 

So there we have “The Twenties” and now it’s time to stop

I’m off to have a game of darts and end with double top

Inn Quizitor Comment (228) – Don’t Jump to Conclusions!

Well Gromit, it was another busy Sunday night, not bad for a chilly night in mid January! The scores were very close and required some strict marking as mentioned in a previous blog.  The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Falcons Chasing Owls … 15
2. Half Owl, Half Williams … 14
3. Bar – Studs … 14
4. Happy Birthday Jim … 14
5. The Undynamic Duo … 13
6. Norfolk Enhancers … 13
7. M+Ms … 12
8. Pete … 12
9. Jess Brown on her Own … 12
10. Do You Have Any Hob Nobs … 9
11. The Quizzard of Oz … 8

This week’s selected question …

Q. In which sport is there a jump named after its inventor Ulrich Salchow ?

A. ICE SKATING (FIGURE SKATING)

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (227) – This’ll Fox Them !

Well Gromit lad, the first quiz of the new year and not a bad turnout. Some close scores between the top teams with knowledge of Beatrix Potter characters and spices being the deciding factor !  The scores were as follows:

1. Adams, Smith and George … 19
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
3. M+Ms … 17
4. Norfolk Enhancers … 17
5. The Dandy Highwaymen … 14
6. Net plus one … 13

This week’s selected question, which only the winning team got correct …

Q. In the stories by Beatrix Potter what type of animal was MR TOD ?

A. FOX

Inn Quizitor Comment (226) – The Festive Finale

Well Gromit lad, it was the final quiz of 2019 and this time it was a Festive one, which is a bit like the leftovers from the Christmas one!  Maybe it was the Christmas spirit, or more likely the cider but I awarded a half point for an answer to one team which caused a minor kerfuffle afterwards!  Oh well, never mind, it was Christmas, sort of.

Anyway there will be no such leniency in the new year as all scores will be carefully scrutinised with 20-20 vision 🙂

The scores in the Festive Quiz were as follows:

1. Norfolk Enhancers … 16.5
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 16
3. M+Ms … 15
4. No “F” in Clue … 15
5. The Sprout Farts … 15
6. Three Wise Men, Two Donkeys and a Born Again Virgin … 15
7. Driving Home For Quizmas … 12
8. Team Illuminati … 10
9. Table of Three … 9

The selected question:

Q. In the song The Twelve days of Christmas, how many swans are given in TOTAL ?

A. 42

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (225) – Merry Quizmas !

Well Gromit lad, it was a bit hectic last night for the Christmas Jukebox Bingo and quiz. Standing room only for some of the teams. The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Christmas Cream Crackers … 23
2. Norfolk Enhancers … 22
3. Reindeer Stag Party … 22
4. Owlsmas Pudding … 21
5. No ‘F’ in Clue … 18
6. Rudolph’s Reindeers … 18
7. M+M’s Mix … 18
8. Jack and the Horners … 16
9. Meg Mals got Massive Calves … 15
10. Frank’s Furters … 14
11. Jan … 14
12. Four and a half teachers … 10

The selected question from the quiz …

Q. What is the connection between a terpsichorean, a female vulpine, a Roman God and large dusty ball of ice orbiting the Sun ?

A. They are four of Santa’s reindeer (DANCER, VIXEN, CUPID, COMET) 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (224) – What The Cluck!

Well Gromit lad, we are one week closer to the Christmas Quiz !  No theme this week, just an eclectic collection of subjects to test and tease the brain.  Questions on Disneyland, James Bond novels, Eurovision, Iodine, Snooker, Greek Gods and the Wixard of Oz to name just a few !  The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Jingle Owls … 21
2. M+Ms … 18
3. Jaffa Cakes … 18
4. Miami Mice … 17
5. Norfolk Enhancers … 17
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 14

This week’s selected question …

Q. What is ALEKTOROPHOBIA the fear of (Bats, Chickens, Electricity, Moths) ?

A. CHICKENS

 

 

FRUITY

I was trying to write a new poem

But my mind was just empty and blank

So to help relieve my frustration

I decided to go for a … walk

In the woodlands, for a breath of fresh air

Where I spotted a charming young lady

With beautiful, long golden hair

 

She appeared to be juggling apples

Then she dropped one in the long grass

And as she bent down to retrieve it

I thought what a beautiful … figure

This charming young lady possessed

We started to talk and went for a walk

Then sat on a bench for a rest

 

She gave me one of her apples

She had cut into halves with a dagger

I watched as the juice ran down her red lips

And I really wanted to … kiss her

So I gave her a peck on the cheek

She started to blush, then said “I must rush,

Perhaps I will see you next week?”

 

“Did that really happen?” I thought to myself

As I sat on the bench all alone

And I wondered if I’d ever see her again

Would she bother to text me or phone?

 

I went back to the woodland several times

But the girl was nowhere to be seen

I had thought that her parting comment was real

But perhaps she was just being mean?

 

I took out my mobile and looked at the screen

It was just a weird feeling or hunch

Then I saw the text message from my golden girl

Inviting me over for lunch

 

We had Cheddar cheese and some crackers

The round ones we all know as Ritz

Then slowly she peeled off her jumper

And said “Do you like my … T-shirt?

I bought it last week in a sale

The design on the front was a very big fish

Or maybe it was a blue whale?

 

The scene on her T-shirt was stormy

It had huge crashing waves with white crests

But the one thing that grabbed my attention

Was the size of her wonderful … biceps

She clearly worked out at the gym

Her body was toned to perfection

But still looked remarkably slim

 

She looked straight at me and then giggled

She gave me that come-hither look

“I think we should go to the bedroom

As I really fancy a … rest

For a couple of hours, it’s been such a tiring day

I will sleep for a while” she said with a smile

“And then I’ll be ready to play”

 

I sat in the armchair and watched some TV

While my golden girl went for her snooze

I ate a few biscuits and drank mugs of tea

But decided to stay off the booze

 

I then nodded off, and started to dream

That this woman was some kind of fruit

She tasted delicious, like peaches and cream

And looked stunning in her birthday suit

 

Then as she stood naked before me

I fondled her long flowing hair

She did not possess watermelons

But she did have a nice juicy pair

 

The charming young lady then tapped on my back

She said “Were you dreaming of me?

I bet you feel hungry, I’ll make you a snack”

Then she gave me fruit salad for tea

 

Later that evening we had a few drinks

Which made me relaxed and quite merry

It was then that this lovely young lady revealed

Her real Christian name … which was Cherry

 

It appeared that my fruity dream had come true

But Cherry had one thing to say:

“If you want to remain fit and healthy,

Then you must have five portions a day”

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (223) – I’ve Started So I’ll Finish

Well Gromit lad, another night of jukebox bingo and quizzery.  No references to Christmas (yet). The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Jingle Owls … 20
2. Norfolk Enhancers … 19
3. UCTL … 17
4. The Cute Quartet … 16
5. Bobble and Squeak … 14
6. Get Biscuits Done … 7

This week’s selected question …

Q. In which country was the quizmaster Magnus Magnusson born ?

A. ICELAND

 

Change

When I was a young lad years ago

We had farthings, half-pennies and pennies

And the only tablets were aspirin

There was no Ibruprofen or Rennies

 

My favourite coin was the thrupenny bit

The chunky brass one with twelve sides

Enough for some ice cream, a large candy floss

The dodgems or two donkey rides

 

Then in late December I had to behave

Show my parents that I had been good

I would get lots of presents from Santa Claus

And a sixpence in my Christmas pud

 

I hated the dentist when I was a boy

And I always needed a filling

My pocket money bought so many sweets

Well it had just gone up to a shilling

 

Then as I got bigger, the coinage did too

I had florins and even half crowns

And with just a few bob in my pocket

I could catch buses to several towns

 

I can even remember the ten shilling note

Which seemed like a fortune back then

But decimal currency was coming our way

We’d succumbed to the power of ten

 

The shillings and florins were slowly replaced

By the shiny new five and ten pence

As D-Day approached in seventy one

I knew that it really made sense

 

On February 15 the new coins arrived

The half, one and two in bright copper

For some the transition was easy to make

For others it was a show stopper

 

As the years passed we got used to the coins

That we used every day in our change

And then in the eighties the Royal Mint

Added two brand new coins to the range

 

First came the unusual twenty pence piece

Which had seven sides like the fifty

And then a year later the gold one pound coin

Which was hoarded away by the thrifty

 

They finally got rid of the half penny piece

It was somewhere around eighty four

Then the five and the ten pence got smaller

Those original coins were no more

 

Then someone came to the conclusion

That we needed a coin worth two pound

A large metal disc in two colours

Which was heavy, but at least it was round

 

But there are some coins even larger

That the Royal Mint sells to the nation

What used to be crowns, are now worth five pounds

Well I guess that is due to inflation

 

My numismatist’s journey has ended

And I have covered most of the range

Of the wonderful coins of our country

That you’ve probably found in your change

Inn Quizitor Comment (222) – I Should be so Lucky !

Well Gromit, here we are in December, soon be time to see the Easter eggs in the shops !

Some very good scores in the quiz this week, I must be making it too easy !

The results of the quiz are as follows:

1. Too Ignorant to Spell Pinocchio … 21
2. Three Biscuits and an Owl … 19
3. M+Ms … 18
4. The Hairy Doggos … 18
5. Jack Horner … 17
6. Norfolk Enhancers … 16
7. Bonkers and the Boys … 16

This week’s question …

Q. In the TV series Neighbours, who played Charlene Mitchell (later Robinson) ?

A. KYLIE MINOGUE

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (221) – Sing a Song of Sixpence

Well Gromit lad, another Sunday night and the contest to win the biscuits (which were in fact Jaffa Cakes this week) is hotting up !

A good range of scores this week. The results are as follows:

1. Two Wafers Short of a Full Tin … 17
2. Tufted Owls … 17
3. M+Ms … 16
4. Just the Two of Us … 14
5. The Bar Studs … 13
6. Norfolk Enhancers … 12
7. Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself … 12

This week’s selected question …

Q. In which year did the old sixpence (6d) stop being legal tender in the UK ?
(1971, 1974, 1977, 1980)

A. 1980

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (220) – Yus M’lady

Another busy evening at the Bush where this week we had two winners in the jukebox bingo and two winners of the biscuits !

The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. Mental Arithmetic on the Dartboard … 20
2. Norfolk Enhancers … 15
3. Owls on their Own … 13
4. The Odd Couple … 13
5. Don’t Play it Again Sam … 11
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 10
7. The 4 Musketeers … 7
8. Mr + Mrs W … 7

This week’s selected question …

Q. In Thunderbirds what was Lady Penelope’s surname (Wilmott-Brown, Fforbes-Hamilton, Lethbridge-Stewart, Creighton-Ward) ?

A. CREIGHTON-WARD

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (219) – The Tricky Trees !

Well Gromit lad, it was another busy night at the Bush.  No maximum score this week and the cunning connections managed to elude some of the teams (well most of them actually).  The two connections were Big Brother Winners and Brian Clough.

I wouldn’t say I was the best quizmaster in Cwmbran, but I’m in the top one 🙂

The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Norfolk Enhancers … 16
2. M+Ms … 16
3. Raniel … 13
4. We’ve Got a Fuzzbox … 12
5. Head Eggs … 10
6. Jammy Dodgers … 9
7. Bonkers and the Boys … 9
8. The Brotherhood without Answers … 7

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which football team had a hit with Paper Lace in 1978 called We’ve Got the Whole World in our Hands ?

A. NOTTINGHAM FOREST

The Halloween Playlist

I’ve written a new poem called The Halloween Playlist
With lots of well-known songs in here and some you may have missed

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead is where I’m going to start
Then Zombie by the Cranberries and Magic Man by Heart

Next is Bobby Pickett with his hit called Monster Mash
Ghost Riders in the Sky, is a song by Johnny Cash

Some songs are very popular, but please don’t ask me why
There are at least three versions of Spirit in the Sky

There’s plenty of rock music here, in fact there is a feast
Like classic Iron Maiden with The Number of the Beast

Two songs by Alice Cooper that fit the bill just fine
There’s Welcome to my Nightmare and Feed my Frankenstein

 Charlie Daniels said that Georgia was where The Devil Went Down
Chris Rea took The Road to Hell, The Specials sang Ghost Town

Pinball Wizard by The Who, Ghostbusters by Ray Parker
Don’t forget That Old Black Magic, it couldn’t get much darker

There’s also spooky TV themes, X-Files and Twilight Zone
And Maiden’s Children of the Damned will chill you to the bone

Now Nina Put a Spell on You, old blue eyes sang Witchcraft
But The Werewolves of London was quite funny, so I laughed

There’s Witchy Woman, Voodoo Chile, there’s Devil Woman too
But please Don’t Fear the Reaper said the Oyster Cult that’s Blue

There’s just a few more songs to go, so please don’t lose your Focus
While the Black Magic Woman is performing Hocus Pocus

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, that was Doris Day
We’ve almost reached the final song, then I’ll be on my way

I’ll leave you with a classic, a lycanthropic tune
Ozzy Osbourne and his band Barking at the Moon

Inn Quizitor Comment (218) – Sergeant Pepper

Well Gromit lad, it was a bit quieter this week, but still a hard fought battle for the top prize. I did a ‘guess the theme’ quiz this week with the two connections being The Beatles and Gerry Anderson.

The scores were as follows:

1. M+Ms …  20
2. Cream Crackered … 19
3. Bonkers and the Boys … 15
4. Isht or Bust … 13
5. Hannah the Yorkshire Terrier … 2  (not a misprint!)

The question that separated the top two teams …

Q. What was the name of the character played by Angie Dickinson in the 1970s TV series Police Woman ?

A. SGT PEPPER ANDERSON

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (217) … The Final Whistle

Well Gromit lad, despite the local disappointment over one of the rugby semi finals, there was still a good turnout for the jukebox bingo and quiz in the evening.  It was all very close with the scores as follows:

1. Owls on Film … 21
2. Wafer Thin … 20
3. M+Ms … 19
4. No Hope and Bob Hope … 18
5. Bonkers and the Boys … 17
6. Quiz on your Face … 16
7. Norfolk Enhancers … 15
8. Wee Phish … 14
9. Head Eggs … 13

This week’s selected question …

Q. Used in sport, what is an Acme Thunderer ?

A. Referee’s Whistle

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (216) – Monkey Business

Well Gromit, it was another busy week at the Sunday night quiz. Another close run thing this week with only three points separating the top six teams!  The scores were as follows:

1. Owls on Holiday … 19
2. Coke for the Boy … 18
3. M+Ms … 17
4. Norfolk Enhancers … 16
5. Yearning for a Yo-Yo … 16
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 16
7. Ted’s Team … 15
8. Boris Johnston’s Back Door Antics … 14
9. Head Eggs … 10
10. Mr and Mrs W … 6

This week’s selected question …

Q. What is the main difference between an ape and a monkey ?

A. Apes do not have tails, monkeys do

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (215)… Over the Rainbow

Well Gromit lad, another busy day with the rugby, weather permitting. I intended to watch a couple of games in the morning but only managed to watch the Scotland v Japan match, which was probably the best game anyway !

Another good turnout for the bingo and quiz and some close scores. The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. M+Ms … 19
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
3. Quiztopher Biggins … 17
4. The Flat Earth Society … 17
5. We Came For One Drink at 6 o’clock … 16
6. Owls of Anguish … 16
7. Captain Twirly and the Twirly Birds … 16
8. Drunk Who Knows … 10
9. Last Jedi … 6

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which rock group have had lead singers called Ronnie James Dio, Graham Bonnett, Joe Lyn Turner and Ronnie Romero ?

A. RAINBOW

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (214) – Gordon’s Alive !

Well Gromit lad, it’s nice to see they have scheduled the world cup rugby matches in the mornings so they do not clash with the regular Sunday night jukebox bingo and quiz !

Another good turnout this week and a decent range of scores. The results of the quiz were as follows:

1. We Want Welsh Wagon Wheels … 17
2. If We Lose It’s Laura’s Fault … 16
3. V Good … 15
4. Holmes and Watson … 14
5. None of Your Quizness … 13
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 13
7. Emeric’s Girls … 12
8. Head Eggs … 10

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which famous deep-voiced actor made his TV debut as the character Fancy Smith in Z Cars ?

A. BRIAN BLESSED

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (213) – The Bear Necessities

Well Gromit lad, another good turnout for the jukebox bingo and the quiz. Some close scores and a tie break to decide the winner. The scores were as follows:

1. Hoisin Stir Fried Porcupine … 17
2. M+Ms … 17
3. Bonkers and the Boys … 16
4. This is the Shortest My Hair Has Been … 16
5. Voulez vous un Sandwich … 14
6. 61 Deep Coaster … 12
7. Head Eggs … 11
8. Gaynor … 10
9. Norfolk Enhancers … 10
10. Last Jedi and Luke … Won the Biscuits 🙂

This week’s question:

Q. In the Muppet Show, what type of animal was Fozzie ?

A. BEAR

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (212) – How Green Was My Quiz ?

Well Gromit lad, another busy night with the jukebox bingo and the quiz.  This week’s quiz had a theme that was so green it had a negative carbon footprint !

The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Mae’r dynion gwrdd yn dod yfory … 17
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 17
3. During Dinner Mints … 16
4. M+Ms … 15
5. Crumbs … 13
6. The Seven Dorks … 9.5
7. Jacob’s Pyjama Party … 9
8. I’m Gonna Quiz … 4.5
9. Wrong Answers … 4

This week’s selected question:

Q. In which TV cartoon series was the baddie called Baron Greenback ?

A. DANGERMOUSE

Inn Quizitor Comment (211) – To Infinity and a Bit Further !

Well Gromit lad, we are now officially into autumn (meteorologically), summer is over and the beach is being dismantled in the town centre.

A close run thing in the quiz this week requiring a tie break question to determine the winners. The scores were as follows:

1. Raving for a Rich Tea … 22
2. Hoisin Crispy Owl … 22
3. Have a Pizza This … 20
4. M+Ms … 19
5. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
6. Last Jedi … 10
7. We’ll Give it a Go … 8

This week’s selected question ..

Q. In the Toy Story films, which actor provided the voice for Buzz Lightyear ?

A. TIM ALLEN

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (210) – A Monster of a Quiz !

Well Gromit lad, another busy Sunday night and this time it was a bank holiday weekend! The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. M+Ms on the Round Table … 20
2. Rhif y Bwystfil … 19
3. Da Doo Ron Ron … 17
4. Pick Up a Pppppenguin … 16
5. Head Eggs … 15
6. Team Harry Cox … 15
7. You Stupid Boys Plus Girl … 14
8. Four and a Half Brains … 13
9. Last Jedi Star Wars … 10

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which famous monster first appeared on the big screen in a 1954 movie by Ishiro Honda ?

A. GODZILLA

 

Godzilla is a fictional monster originating from a series of Japanese films of the same name. The character first appeared in Ishirō Honda‘s 1954 film Godzilla and became a worldwide pop culture icon, appearing in various media, including 32 films produced by Toho, three Hollywood films and numerous video games, novels, comic books and television shows.     (Wikipedia)

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (209) – Don’t Talk to Me about Life !

Well Gromit lad,  it was as busy as a bank holiday, if not busier. Standing room only in the top bar and not much space in the lower bar either! Extra furniture had to be deployed to accommodate one of the teams.  A wide range in the scores this week but another close fight at the top of the leader board. The scores were as follows:

1. Fist as Parts … 18
2. M+Ms … 17
3. Tea Time Assortment … 17
4. The Happy Accidents … 17
5. No ‘F’ in Clue … 16
6. We’ll Give it a Go … 15
7. Bonkers and the Boys … 15
8. Cheers to the Bride and Groom … 14
9. No Points Joyce … 9
10. Alma … 7
11. Last Jedi Star Wars … 3

This week’s selected question:

Q. In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, what was the name of the paranoid android ?

A. MARVIN

“Marvin trudged on down the corridor, still moaning. “…and then of course I’ve got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side…”
“No?” said Arthur grimly as he walked along beside him. “Really?”
“Oh yes,” said Marvin, “I mean I’ve asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens.”

Inn Quizitor Comment (208) – Biggus Quizzus

Well Gromit lad, I made it back from Blighty in time to do the weekly Sunday night Jukebox Bingo and Quiz. Another good turnout this week. Some of the regular teams were missing, so I expect notes of apology next week 🙂

The scores in the ‘big’ quiz were as follows:

1. Bonkers and the Boys … 18
2. The Six … 16
3. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo … 14
4. Head Eggs … 13
5. Trappist … 13
6. Charltons Athletic … 12
7. Joyce and Co … 10
8. That There … 9

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which constellation is known as the Big Dipper in USA and Canada and the Plough in the UK ?

A. THE GREAT BEAR OR URSA MAJOR

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (208) – Full Marx

Well Gromit lad, another Sunday night of bingo, bonkers and biscuits !  No theme for the quiz this week, just a wide assortment of general knowledge questions ranging from Newcastle Brown Ale, Red Dwarf, and George Orwell through marsupials and postcodes to British racecourses beginning with N !  The results were as follows:

1. M+Ms … 23
2. ‘Oping for an Oreo … 21
3. A Flash in the Pan … 20
4. Knights Bound to a Table … 19
5. Up the Ra … 17
6. Semi Retired … 16
7. Bonkers and the Boys … 15
8. Fourteen Ain’t Bad … 14

This week’s selected question …

Q. What were the stage names of the five Marx Brothers ?

A. CHICO, GROUCHO, GUMMO, HARPO, ZEPPO

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (207) – Crowning Glory

Well Gromit, it must be the warm weather that entices people out of their kennels on a Sunday night! It was a busy one this week and it went to a tie-breaker to decide the winner. The scores were as follows:

1. Make Mine a Marie Biscuit … 15
2. Just M’s … 15
3. The Cnuts of the Round Table … 15
4. Hoisin Stir Fried Owl … 15
5. Head Eggs … 12
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 11
7. F Troop … 11
8. Losers … 8
9. Pete … 6
10. Give it a Go … 4

This week’s selected question:

Q. In pre-decimal currency how many half crowns made one pound ?

A. EIGHT

The half crown was a denomination of British money, equivalent to two shillings and sixpence, or one-eighth of a pound. The half crown was first issued in 1549, in the reign of Edward VI. No half crowns were issued in the reign of Mary, but from the reign of Elizabeth I half crowns were issued in every reign except Edward VIII, until the coins were discontinued in 1967.  (Wikipedia)

Inn Quizitor Comment (206) – Thunderbirds are Go!

Well Gromit lad, another successful Sunday night of jukebox bingo and quizzery.  A new playlist for the bingo (flowers, fruit and veg) and the theme for the quiz was yellow. Results of the quiz were as follows:

1. T-Pots … 15.5
2. Bonkers and the Boys … 13
3. M+Ms … 11.5
4. Norfolk Enhancers … 11
5. Welsh Wanderers … 10
6. Us Three … 6

This week’s selected question:

Q. Which of the Thunderbirds is predominantly yellow ?

A. THUNDERBIRD 4

 

 

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (205) – Peanuts

Well Gromit lad, it was a very close finish in the cricket at Lords and in the tennis at Wimbledon.  No tie breakers or super overs required at the Bush this week though.  The scores in the quiz were as follows:

1. Krazy for Kit Kats …  21
2. Hoisin Crispy Duo … 17
3. Bonkers and the Boys … 16
4. M+Ms … 15
5. The Infamous Five … 14
6. Annie’s Angels … 12
7. We’ll Give it a Go …  10

This week’s selected question …

Q. Which American President was nicknamed the peanut farmer ?

A. JIMMY CARTER

 

 

 

Fall and Rise

When alliteration fills your mind
And the words form on your breath
On the downward spiral you will find
There is darkness, doom and death

All along the winding roadside
Lies depression and despair
It’s not the helter skelter ride
You remember from the fair

You’re descending ever deeper
Dirty water down the drain
For a date with the Grim Reaper
Who will finally dull the pain

Or will somebody intervene
And save you from your plight
Go back in time, reset the scene
Return you to the light

Some say your life is pre-ordained
It all comes down to fate
It’s recently been rather strained
You hope it’s not too late

To find a new beginning
Or at least a different path
To feel that you are winning
And you’re having the last laugh

 

Inn Quizitor Comment (204) – Nickels and Dimes

Well Gromit lad, another busy night at the Bush. There was a tie in the bingo and another close run thing in the quiz. The results were as follows:

1. M+Ms … 15.5
2. Hoisin Crispy Owl … 15
3. Jonesing for Jaffa Cakes … 12
4. Von Crapps … 11
5. Bonkers and the Boys … 10.5
6. Head Eggs … 10
7. Quiz on my … 7
8. We’ll Give it a Go … 6

The theme for this week’s quiz was metal and the selected question:

Q. In Roman mythology, who was the messenger of the Gods ?

A MERCURY

 

 

The New Arrival

The tall, thin elegant man slowly approached the pearly gates. Saint Peter, who was standing behind his desk tapped on the computer screen to bring up the biography of the new arrival.

“I just need to check a few details Sir before I can allow you to enter.”

The man stood silently and waited for Peter to continue.

“You were born in the same year the transistor was invented and Chuck Yeager became the first man to break the sound barrier in a plane.”

The man nodded.

“During your life on Earth you used your real Christian name but adopted a different surname from your original one which was the same as the driver of Ivor the engine.”

“Will that be a problem?” queried the man.

“Not at all Sir. We have found that many people in the entertainment industry prefer to be known by different names.”

Peter scrolled down to the next section of the man’s biography.

“It says here that you had a long and very successful career in both music and film. You recorded many albums with titles that included the name of a pantomime, the birthstone for April and canine creatures and an invitation to engage in terpsichorean activities. On two of your hit singles you collaborated with a regal rock band and a famous singer and actor who starred in a series of road films with Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour.”

The man looked puzzled, but then figured out which albums and singles he was referring to and smiled. Peter continued.

“One of your most famous acting roles was in a musical fantasy about a girl’s quest to reach the centre of an otherworldly maze, where you played a character called Jareth the Goblin King. More recently, two popular TV series have been named after your songs. Finally, you passed on shortly after the release of your 25^th studio album, in the year when Nico Rosberg became the formula one world champion. Is that correct Sir?”

“That all sounds good to me,” replied the man.

“Well then, David Robert Jones, everything appears to be in order.”

“Excellent,” said the man, “but now that I am officially stardust, would you please call me Ziggy.”

“Very well Ziggy, you may now enter Heaven, but I’m afraid your Martian arachnids will have to return to Earth or their home planet.”

Inn Quizitor Comment (203) – Seeing Stars !

Well Gromit lad, another Sunday evening. It hardly seems seven days since the last one! Another busy night and some good scores in the quiz. The results were as follows:

1. M+Ms … 18
2. Hoisin Crispy Owls … 16
3. The Von Crapps … 16
4. Norfolk Enhancers … 14
5. Last of the Summer Wine … 12
6. Bonkers and the Boys … 12
7. Head Eggs … 10
8. Rolls … 9
9. Four out of Ten … 4

The answers to the second half of the quiz were all countries that had one or more stars on their national flags:

Q. The athlete Mo Farah was born in which country ?

A. SOMALIA

Inn Quizitor Comment (202) – Who Knew That ?

Well Gromit lad, we’ve passed the longest day and are now sliding headlong into winter ! Another good night of jukebox bingo and quizzery at the Bush. The theme for the quiz this week was the number 23. The scores were as follows:

1. The Bar – Studs … 16
2. Just the two of us (squared) + 1 … 14
3. Hoisin Crispy Owl … 14
4. Dory and her Boys … 13
5. No ‘F’ in Clue … 13
6. The Von Crapps … 9

This week’s selected question:

Q. The first episode of which long running TV series was broadcast on 23 November 1963 ?

A. DOCTOR WHO